After last night, I could never be a politician.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
