We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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