I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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