when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize