is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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