Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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