alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
