kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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