I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i drank out of a bidet.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
