He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
