Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
