I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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