you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize