I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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