I think my vagina is haunted
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
