I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
