Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We need to get me chipped asap
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
