good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
