Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
