put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize