dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
