i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
