I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The uberlube is also flammable
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
