I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
