He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
