So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
