3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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