Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
