who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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