What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
