so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
