You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
