Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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