How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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