At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
