; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
