i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
