First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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