Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
