I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize