Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
