so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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