Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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