It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We left the knife in your bed.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
