you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
