He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
