an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
