If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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