well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize