New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
