Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
