end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
