I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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