WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
