I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
