dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
