Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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