does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
