i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
