I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
