I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize