The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
