they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
