Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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