Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
