Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
