It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
