it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
