goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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