Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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