Girls should come with a carfax report
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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