im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
