Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
