So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
