if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
