That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
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