Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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