I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
