sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
