That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
