What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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