the condom got lost in my hair
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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